Should a person be flattered or offended if an ex boyfriend's new girlfriend strikingly resembles them? This is a question that I pose to people a lot, and I have received mixed reviews.  I pose this question to a group of people and I was surprised at the amount of people that said they would be offended.  So, I want to know your thoughts.  Should a girl be flattered or offended if the new girl looks, acts, or is a replica of them?

Being in my late 20s has been interesting.  Seems like everyone is either in a committed relationship or married.  Has anyone else noticed this? Feels as if it's almost a trend.  I was talking to one of my friends who confirmed that two of her friends are "jumping the broom."  
Where has the time gone? Thinking back to my teen years, I thought that I would be married by 25.  Ha! I was so wrong! Don't really have an itch to get married, right now.  I feel like I haven't completed enough of my personal goals to settle down.  Am I the only one that feels this way?  So many things that I want to do before married life.  It's not to say that I can't do these things being married; however, it becomes about the other person as well.  I'm still in a selfish stage of life, and I'm not willing to comprise too much.  lol.  Damn, I guess that sounds bad to say, but it's true.  
Don't get me wrong, a relationship would be nice, and I am open to having one, but marriage?!?! Hum, realistically--I see myself married at like 31 or 32.  Not that much longer, but just not in my 20s.  Time has really changed according to older people that I confront with this issue.  Women are far more independent now.  I feel like if I was to get married now I would have to relocate to his desired location, and I am pretty settled on where I want to live.  I never see the guy relocate in these situations.  What's up with that? 
On another note, I was having a conversation with someone who's 30 years old and headed for divorce.  She was the 3rd person who was in their late 20s or early 30s and told me that they were getting a divorce.  It sounds crazy to me.  So many people get married without knowing who they are as individuals.  
Curious to know your thoughts...

 I'm sure it's no surprise that there has been a lot of talk in the media about black women being single.  The media makes it sound like we're "desperately seeking a mate."  I mean seriously... I know plenty of white women who have the same problem.  But, I don't really think the problem is finding a mate, because finding someone is NO problem... the issue is finding the RIGHT mate.  I wish that reporters, media, blog enthusiast, etc. would get that little tidbit correct.  Finding the right man can be difficult for anyone.  

Everyone's solution is, "black women should be more 'open minded' and date outside of their race."  Well, I don't believe that any person would deny someone of the opposite race if that's who they fell in love with, but what's wrong with wanting to date someone who is from your same ethnic background? People make it sound like you're an asshole if you say that you prefer to date within your race.  

Whoppi Goldberg actually made an interesting point on The View this morning.  She said that, the media always reports that she doesn't like black men, but that's just not true.  Goldberg said that, she dates who approaches her and black men usually like "Halle Berry" types or women other than what she looks like.  I listened to her point and thought that it was actually pretty valid.  Personally, I think Halle Berry is probably every man's type: black, white, indifferent (haha).  I believe Goldberg was attempting to make the point that black men are typically more interested in light-skinned women over darker tone women.  I've never been turned down by a man because of my complexion not to my face, at least; however, I have been discriminated against in a relationship because of my race.  

I see more black men date OTHER ethnicities rather than it being a "light-skin or dark skin debate."  

In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with anyone dating outside of their race but I have an issue when black men begin to down play the black woman.  I have posed the question to several black men throughout the years as to why they choose women outside of the "black race."  I expect for them to say, "because I fell in love" or "it's what i'm attracted to," but instead the response is, because black women are loud, controlling, etc.  "They won't allow me to be a man" this statement coming from a friend of mine.  I thought that it was interesting, and rather than judge the statement, I listened.  On the flip side, I have also been told by a few black men that "black women wouldn't give them the time or day."  Are black women too picky? 

 Is this really how black men feel about ALL black women? I hope not! because, not ALL fall into this category.  My friend continued to tell me that, he can do sexual things with his "white girlfriend" that he can't do with a black woman.  HE didn't want to explain, but I'm curious to know what that means.  What do white women do that black women don't do? Interesting! 

Should WE just all date outside of our race? I'm curious to hear from black men regarding their thoughts on black women dating men other than black.  


As I end this blog, I'm about to tune into Nightline on ABC.  The topic is: Successful Single Black Women, Why Can't they Find a Man.  Hasn't Nightline done this story a couple of times? 

I keep hearing the term "open marriage" but what does that really mean? I guess from how its been explained the couple agrees to openly communicate with each other and have no secrets and no lies within the marriage.  The other catch is that, if someone steps out of the marriage and cheats it's admissible to the couple. Sounds legit! I think that so many people cheat on their spouses and lie about it, so why not say to your lover "hey, if you're going to do it, please let me know."  Ok, maybe that doesn't solve much of anything but it does allow couples to communicate without the fear.  

Lets be honest with ourselves...
How many couples file for divorce immediately after hearing that their lover cheated? Most of the time they don't file for divorce.  So, if a couple isn't going to get divorced based on cheating, doesn't it make more since to just put it on the table that cheating is not a deal breaker or possible reason for divorce or to break up?!?!  

I'm talking about open marriages but honestly I assume that it's the same thing as being polyamorous; where the couple agrees that it is ok to bring someone else into their relationship.  The difference in polyamorous relationships is that the couple isn't married.  I actually know a couple who have agreed to this.  They've been together for years and it seems to work for them.  BTW, that interview is coming soon.

Several research indicates that open marriages have existed since the 70's.  Well, that's noted research.  I believe it probably existed before then.  In fact, according to Wed MD ( a website that discusses health and sex) the term "open marriage" was first coined in 1972 by George and Nena O'Neill when they wrote a book titled, Open Marriage.  

On the flip side...
Honestly though, is it realistic? I only ask because women and men naturally communicate differently.  You know the saying based on John Gray's book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.  What are the odds of a couple telling each other EVERY little detail? Although, it may be established in the beginning to openly communicate about desires, fantasies, and secrets, someone may still be deceptive in the marriage.  I would love to interview a married couple and ask them more questions about this topic.  I'm intrigued by it.  I wonder what is the success rate of marriages that have an open agreement.  Furthermore, how many couples are in open marriages? The article on Web MD states, that 4 to 9 percent of marriages in the United States probably have an open arrangement.  I would predict more.  Interested in hearing actual stats on this.

On the other hand, I know so many couples who are married and living a lie.  I guess having an open marriage would alleviate a bit of the unhappiness.  Seemingly, having an open marriage seems to work for several couples.  Actress/Comedian Monique recently discussed her open marriage with her husband.  She's received a lot of flak on it.  I think that if it works for her then great, but maybe the grounds of her marriage should have been kept privately between her and her husband.  Maybe she shouldn't tell that they have an open marriage because it's no one else's business, but then again she is bringing awareness to the topic.  

Seems like in an open marriage, the husband is more prone to step out of the marriage since men have sex outside the relationship more than women (allegedly).  Also, is there ever really a commitment in a open marriage? If someone is giving you permission to have sex, will you feel as though you've been granted a pass?

I've also heard situations where the woman is unsatisfied and the man allows her to step out.  So, it isn't always about the man.  But, does the relationship become unbalanced if one person has sex cheat while the other person doesn't? Maybe, Maybe not.  Are human beings just greedy? is it a natural instinct to want to indulge in more? Maybe human beings aren't made to only have one lover, maybe we are. Or maybe, having an open marriage is being realistic with each other, so that the other person isn't blindsided.  

All in all, I think that if a couple finds that a particular way (conventional or not) works for them then, so be it.  Thoughts??? 

Source via Web MD

I was reading an article on Bossip.com about the difference between men and women when it comes to having casual sex.  Rapper Bow Wow, discussed the difference and talked about how women become jealous and obsessed, but that men are capable of  understanding the difference between casual sex and sex in a relationship. 

First off, who gives Bow Bow the right to suddenly be an expert, isn't he like 12? Haha.  I kid, I kid.  No, but I'm really starting to get tired of the overwhelming amount of men who feel that because they are in the spotlight they're experts on men and women as it relates to dating.  Sure, I recognize that there is a difference in the way men and women interact, and I also recognize that women are emotional by nature, but I know several women who are capable of having sex and accepting it as just SEX.  I'm tired of men portraying us as whiny, overly emotional, hormonal broads! I'll admit, all these things can apply to me, but that's only when I'm watching Lifetime, so suck it!

Maybe, I'm being harsh.  In their defense men don't always think before they speak.  Darn, I guess that's pretty harsh too.  Point being is that, men aren't the only ones who want just a sexual relationship.  I have friends who tell guys straight up, "I just want sex, and not a relationship."  Sure, the majority of women probably would like a committed relationship, but aren't there men who equally want the same?

Where the problem lies 

Here's the problem.  Men and women communicate differently.  Oftentimes, a man will know that a woman doesn't want JUST a sexual relationship, but he'll enter into the situation anyway.  We women are just as guilty, because we know what the guy wants, and instead of walking away, we walk into the situation hoping "he changes" his mind.  Some men think with their anatomy and some women think with their hearts. 

These roles can sometimes be reversed.  Equally, a man can think with his heart, and a woman can think with her anatomy.     

NEWSFLASH

Men don't change their minds regarding sex.  There are instances where more feelings are developed, but rarely does a man change his mind. 

SIDENOTE

Why are there so many books written by men on how women should act? And, so many movies--once again, written by men on women? In my opinion, standards of a woman have been set so high, but not by ourselves.  These standards have been set based on men.  Don't get me wrong, I love, honor, and respect THE MAN.  But, I'm sick of being objectified all because of a particular standard that has been placed.  We should all be able to screw who we want, date who we want, and act the way we want without some celebrity or reject pointing the finger believing that he has all the answers. 

So as I end this long blog, because of rants... Here's my finger
"screw you."

I use to hate the mention of Valentines Day.  Walking into a store was like torture.  Chocolate candy, heart shaped boxes, red roses, etc.  But this year is different for me.  I am going to embrace being single.  I am going to embrace loving myself more.  I will be my own valentine.

 I know it sounds crazy, but I'm over wondering if someone will ask me out for V Day.  Instead, I want to go out with my friends and have fun.  Enjoy being 20 something.  I want to flirt with guys, laugh, eat, drink, and be merry.  All in good fun.  Whatever happened to that? Whatever happened to people actually enjoying themselves and not caring so much about the title? I'm sick of titles!

I want to go out, have fun, wear a sexy red dress or maybe just a hot number with sexy red shoes.  Sounds like a plan to me! Besides that, I'll be running in the Aloha Race the next morning, so my bedtime will be 9 pm Sunday night.  I'll probably go out Saturday and celebrate.  Monday I'll run in the race, and Tuesday I'll probably go and get a full body massage, I have a feeling that I'll need it after this race.  This Valentines Day through out the title, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and have a great time! 

I was talking to my friend "L Sexy" she goes by that because she's a boss.  We were talking about our previous relationships and how even the guys we "dated" were no different from the "boyfriends." 

"I don't think I'll ever call another dude my boyfriend," L Sexy declared.

I cracked up for a minuto at just the thought of her statement.  But, it's so true! If you really think about the time that is wasted on meaningless relationships, you realize that labeling these guys is so not worth it.  I told her that I'm going to copy her and follow her lead.  I've probably had 4 undeserving guys in my life that were given the great opportunity of being called my boyfriend.  At the end of the day I realize that, most of us are far too fabulous to waste our time. 

My friend said from this point forward she's either single or married, and I couldn't agree more.  Why should we waste our time? Being single is far better than getting caught up in emotions, feelings, or stressing over 'getting to know' someone.  No one likes the introduction.  It would be so much better if we could just speed past all of that. 

I'm taking my friends advice and from this point forward every dude I date is 'my friend.'  If it gets serious... I'm still single until there's a ring on my finger. 

I am learning that people really shouldn't be personalized by labels.  You recall me telling you about 'E'.  He was the guy who I placed a million labels on in the beginning.  I realize how unfair it is and one day I will stop, but until then there is one label that he deserves, and then I'll stop.  His new label: Ignorant. 

Finally, he calls me and gives me a reason other than "tired," "stressed" va-va bull... for his sudden "departure" AND "let's be friends," bullshit.  His excuse, is based on religious factors.  While I love God, and don't deny that, I am not extreme and find most extremist hypocritical.  I pray, I love, I respect all religions, and people as they are. 

With that said:

I don't live my life based on my religious upbringing.  I am an individual and march to my own beat.  But that's my opinion.  Back to E.  He says to me that we can't date, because he's religious blah-blah-blah.  Shouldn't these things be stated in the beginning? So, let me get this straight, you can come over my house, kiss me, take me out on dates, eat my cooking, but you can't be in a relationship with me? OH, Ok, again why, because we don't believe in the exact same principles?

Side Note:
I don't fault him for wanting to be with someone who shares his beliefs, but I do hold him responsible for being misleading and not stating up front his religious convictions. 

Our conversation went something like this...

E- Well didn't you use to live with your ex boyfriend.

Me- Yeah, but God isn't going to punish me for cohabiting.

Ugh, since when does my religion have anything to do with my lifestyle? I know many people who don't follow the guidelines of their religion, but it doesn't make them a bad person.  It simply makes them a human being.  The more I talked to him, I almost felt sorry for him.  I felt sorry that he couldn't just live his life, date who he wanted to date, and stop putting so many "labels" on the people.  I know, this coming from a girl who placed a million labels on him in the beginning.  Guilty as charged!

Me- Why didn't you address this concern in the beginning?

E- Well we were just friends.

So sick and tired of people loosely using the term 'friends' because clearly there was an attraction and something more than friendship.

Me- When you said that you really, really, liked me while you were in my house, what was that about?

Side Note:
Did you think about religion then? I'm sure ya didn't.  There is more to this story and more that I could say, but I won't.  While I am pissed at the conversation between E and me, I refuse to degrade, be nasty, or classless. 

E-I liked you as a friend, and when I saw that it was progressing into something else that's when I knew I had to cut it off. 

I will never understand why I received a message through a social website and not a person to person conversation. But, maybe some questions are better left unanswered. 
Again, he states that he would like to remain friends.  Am I over reacting?

He was charming, attractive, intellectual.  Honesty, open communication.   I am a serial labeler at times. 

He was just my type.  I met E two months ago coming out of a business meeting.  At first, I almost didn't notice him because I was busy yapping it up on my cellphone. 

"You didn't notice me in the meeting?"

"No, sorry I didn't, you were inside?" I asked, immediately ending my phone conversation.

"Does the bus stop here?"

"Yes, I'm taking the same bus, we can ride together," he said.

That night, we rode the bus together and talked for nearly an hour.  We talked about our aspirations, goals, and just general things about ourselves. 

He told me that he was leaving in a few months for med school.  He asked me several times throughout our conversation if this was a problem.  I didn't see it as a problem.  I believe that if you like a person in the end things are always worked out.  Maybe that should have been a sign, but at the time, it wasn't.  

Over the next month, we hung out and had a great time together.  Everything appeared to be going well.  Our first date he prayed over our food.  A man that believes in God, is extremely attractive. 

In the beginning of dating, we discussed how we mutually had feelings for each other. 

"I really like you," he told me several times.

I felt the same for him.  Although, it was such a short amount of time, it seemed like things couldn't have been better.

Our final date, he came over my house.  It wasn't his first time over.  We laughed, talked, kissed-- the chemistry didn't seem any different from the first time we met.  As the passion intensified between us, I told him to slow down.  It didn't seem like the right time to have sex.  He said that my decision was respected and that there was no pressure.  The night ended with a kiss.

The next day, he didn't call or text.  Generally, I'll wait and wait to receive a call, but it's hard for me to break down and call. 

Sometimes, rules are made to be broken.  I broke my rule.  I called him.  He didn't answer.  I left a message.  He didn't return my call. 

The next day, I finally received a text. 

"Tired, exhausted, heading home," he said. 

Had he forgotten about the plans that we made? He was supposed to come over. 

"Cool, I understand.  Are you stopping by later?"

"No thank you," he said. 

I felt humiliated.  First off, who responds by saying, "No thank you?"

I read the book, I saw the movie, so I was beginning to realize 'He just wasn't that into me.'  But, I couldn't understand why? If everything was going so well, how could things change so easily?

Three days later, we encountered each other at a business meeting.  He said hello, but it was an awkward 'hello.'  Not the... I'm so happy to see you, Hello, but the kind of hello like he was forcing himself.  I felt sick to my stomach. 

That night, I returned home, and immediately jumped on the internet.  Natural habit.  I had a message.  It was from E.

"I do enjoy spending time with you; however, I don't want a relationship.  My decision is based on several factors.  I hope we can continue to be friends."

I felt insulted.  And again, Humiliated.  Why couldn't he tell me that via telephone, in person, or better yet, in the beginning. 

Two weeks later.
He contacted me.  He Called.  Doesn't want things to be weird between us.  Um, OK.  He was tired, blah, blah... He apologizes. 

I saw E after his call, but there hasn't been any contact since. 

Lesson learned: Never place labels on a man who clearly has no intentions on being personalized. 

Hawaii is such an amazingly beautiful place.  You walk outside and you're immediately smitten and smell the intoxicating, but lovely scent of the flowers and plants.  The water is clear blue and inviting.  The people are friendly.  The men... Well, Houston we have a problem!

Where are the handsom, single, non-commitment phobic men in Hawaii? I'm not talking about the men who are only looking for a booty call, and if that's you, please stop reading. 

It seems rather difficult to meet like minded men on this rock.  You know, the men that actually would like to settle down, and not just hook up.  Don't get me wrong I'm open for dating, but a relationship would be nice.  At the suggestion of a friend, I checked out the local dating sites, but the choices for Hawaii are horrible.  The men who had the audacity to create a profile should be ashamed of themselves.  Most of them screamed loser. 

Why can't someone create a singles retreat on this rock or something?

Does anyone still use this dating site?

I ask, because I never hear anyone talk about it anymore.  A few years ago, I was obsessed with looking up dudes on this site.  I was shocked when someone I crushed on in high school actually popped up.  His rap sheet was a mess.  Of course there's no way to tell if it's legit, but the mere fact that someone took time out to write a list of things about him is hilarious. 

I couldn't resist.  Tonight, I typed in a few guys names just for old times sake, but luckily there were no results.  Maybe people aren't familiar with this site or have forgotten about it.  Just imagine if everyone stuck together and reported every bad guy or date... us women wouldn't be surprised when a date acts out of pocket. 

I encourage women to start reporting bad guys on this site and spread the word.  It may actually help someone out. 

[Source via dontdatehimgirl.com]

When the clock strikes midnight every single girl looks around hoping for that kiss.  Some are lucky to receive a passionate kiss from a cute guy, but others aren't so lucky.  What is it about this particular holiday that makes single people crave a relationship?

G (guy) & T (girl) Flashback

They had been dating for almost a year, but every time T mentioned holidays G became more distant. 

"What are your plans for New Years Eve?" she asked him.  As he looked away from her she knew that the conversation was going to take a different turn.

"I'm actually going to Las Vegas with my boys," G said. 

At the time, T said that she didn't realize how much of a lie G's statement was.  She wondered why he didn't want to spend it with her. 

One day, T sat and told me about G at a near by Starbucks as we sipped on Soy Chai Tea.  She told me that they dated five years ago when she was only 21 and he was 31. 

"I desperately wanted to believe every word that came out of his mouth," she said.  T spent that New Years Eve with friends and no man by her side. 

He called her the next day to wish her a Happy New Year. 

"Of course, I told him Happy New Year in return, but I felt silly for not bringing up the fact that he didn't spend it with me."

G and T continued to date for another three years... They spent the remaining New Years Eve in different cities. 

A Brand New Year

Now 26, T Still remains single for the upcoming New Year.  "When the clock strikes midnight, will I be that lame single girl for the 5th year without a kiss?" she asked as she continued to sip her tea.

How many single people won't be kissed this New Year?    

I just watched Wendy Williams' show today and Regina King sat on the couch.  She talked about "her wonderful man in her life" and how he was the love of her life.  "He is a man," said Wendy. 

So, it didn't take me long to figure it out! I don't even know if my guess is accurate, but I'm convinced that she's dating Malcolm Jamal Warner.  For some reason, I assumed that he was still with Karen Malina White aka Charmaine, his co-star on Cosby Show.

My guess may not be accurate, but in my head I'm right.  If they are together, all I have to say is "you go girl."  I have had a crush on Malcolm Jamal Warner since he was Theo on Cosby... lol.  Although, I'm about 12 years younger than him, but it's all good. 

What do you think? Is my guess accurate?



[Images via Googleimages.com]

Damn dating is difficult.
I honestly assumed that once you got to a certain age it would become easier.  Well, I was so wrong.  Lately, I've been wondering, how many frogs do I have to kiss before I meet my prince?

I read all these statistics about professional black women being single and unable to find love.  It seems like it shouldn't be that difficult.  If a woman is successful, educated, attractive, and is loving, wouldn't a man appreciate that? Seems like he should, but apparently NOT.

 I've been dating since I was 17 (although, I hardly count that) so in actuality, I have been on a "grown folks" level of dating since I was 20.  In my early 20's dating was just about having fun for me.  I didn't have any expectations.  I went out with people and took it for what it was.  However, something changed when I turned about 25.  I started wanting a relationship. 

Now at 27, I feel that I want one more than ever.  I always tell guys up front that I want a relationship, and that I'm not really into "hooking up," but some don't get it. 

Wanting a relationship.

It may have something to do with the fact that, I am beginning to come into my own as a woman.  I feel that I've done a great job at building myself up, but meeting a man who wants the same things that I want isn't easy.  How many more frogs will I have to kiss before I meet Mr. Right? I know that he's out there, but finding him is taking forever.

The stories about Tiger Woods cheating on his wife are not difficult to believe.  The man is a human being! I'm annoyed with the media coverage.  Why are they talking about him on every channel? There even discussing him on CNN.  Did his wife knock the back windows out or didn't she? That is the question.  Who really cares? And, what does that have to with us? Are we going to gain something by knowing the intimate details of his life? I think not!

All these scallywags that are popping up.... gross! I'm insulted by his taste in women and would rather not know who he's sleeping with.  What's my gripe? I'm annoyed with the media attention and Tiger Cheetah cat for not having better security on his business.  How humiliating.  Damn Tiger! I really defended this guy as much as possible, too. 

When all is said and done everyone has the right to privacy.  There's also been discussion about him losing his endorsements, and I really don't think that he should lose them.  What's the point? His trifflin activities has nothing to do with his performance as a golfer.  Don't take that away from him! All in all, I'm tired of America putting celebrities on a higher pedestal.  He's not God...

The question of the hour is, why do men cheat and leave tracks--especially when they have sooooo much to lose??? That's the million dollar question. 



[Images via Googleimages.com]

Question!
Why is it that whenever you seem to not think about an "ex" they either pop up or call? "He" called, but I refused to answer.  "He" is this guy that I dated about 3 years ago, but never quite got him out of my system (hehe).

I tried, I tried... to maintain a friendship with him, but if a friendship is based on good will and a connection between two, our friendship ended years ago. 

"He" lies
Have you ever been friends with someone and you totally can predict the next lie they're about to utter? It becomes lie after lie, after... hell... eventually lies turn into horse do-do.

What would be the point? I've been there before with him.... when I say that I've been there before, I'm referring to the drama.

It's like a part of me wanted to pick up the phone and see how he was doing, because I haven't talked to him in a few weeks, but I knew picking up would involve me being extremely irritated and overall discontentment with the conversation.  Hell, I probably shouldn't even consider him an ex since "he" says we never dated.  The nerve... I felt disrespected and utterly annoyed when he said that.  If anything, "I should be the one not claiming him," I thought. 

What does "he" have? What was the attraction?  I ask myself sometimes.  However, my line of questions to myself are simply for 'self actualization' purposes, because I know exactly what "he" had, and what I was attracted to.  You're probably wondering, but simply put, in the beginning "he" was charming, loving, kind, and made me laugh.  "He" was that person that could make me laugh and I would crack up for hours. 

"We" were completely different, but I was attracted to that.  Somehow, his layers were peeled and I began to see a person that I didn't like so much.  Once peeled, all that was left was a bare onion, and NO matter how many times I tried to stop crying I couldn't stop.  Kinda an oxymoron, because a part of me couldn't stand him but the other part adored him.  Or maybe it was me wanting to adore him.  But then again I could go back and forth all day long with asking why and how questions.

Simply put,
time to move the hell on!

I constantly get the most random text and blackberry messages (BBM) from people, but this recent BBM was too funny.  My friend asked me in a message, "If you received a dollar for every guy you slept with, what could you buy? And, Please be honest.  I wasn't really stumped for too long with this question (lol), but I thought that it was hilarious.  I suppose there are several people who could buy Christian Louboutin shoes or designer clothes... Hell, maybe there are some people who can buy brand new homes.  No judgment! Just not my thang.  So what could you buy? Take my survey above

M...

The guy from Mickey D's just text'd me.  First, I'm kind of tired of guys using text messaging as their main source of communication.  Please, don't BBM me (Blackberry message for those who are not familiar), or text me more than you call me.

 I won't reply. 

It's two days later from our alleged "Sunday date."  He writes via text "Sorry, I didn't call you back the other day, I lost my battery!" At first, I didn't even know what he meant.  I replied, "what battery?"

He said his phone battery was misplaced.  How in the hell does a person lose their phone battery? HAHA.  Some people crack me up.  I didn't respond.  I'm above all that.  This crazy thing called being single.... gotta love it!

BTW, don't forget to follow me on Twitter 

A typical Saturday night for me is staying inside my apartment, indulging in cheese and crackers although I really shouldn't, and drinking my favorite Risata Moscato d' Asti wine.   However, this past week, I did something out of the norm.  I hung out with a few friends and went to a football game.  The football game was, well, I never pay attention to the game, I obviously go for the mens.  HAHA. 

Let me tell you what happened before the game.  So, we all decided to go eat.  Nothing fancy, just Mickey D's.  Well, we were laughing, eating and gossiping... when this guy walks in and catches my attention.  I'm not one to stare, but I thought he was attractive, so hell.  Besides, he should have been flattered to have a beautiful woman staring at him.

My friends and I all finished and decided to leave, but "the guy" sat down and ate by himself.  I decided to bust out one of my golden rules... business cards! Yep, once again, I always have one available.  I went back into Mickey D's, sat at his table, simply introduced myself, handed him my card and told him to call me. 

His name was M. 

1 day later, he did.  Typically, I have preliminary questions that I ask a man.  We all should ask questions.  I asked him, "do you have a girlfriend, wife... , do you have children?" It may sound a little forward, but I don't like to waste my time.  His first reply was, "we'll talk about that later, just not right now." What was the big freakin mystery? And, why did he have to be so secretive? After he said that, he said, "no I don't have a girlfriend."  Um, ok. 

We set plans to hang out around 3pm.  He wanted to come over to my house which is off.  Um, get a grip dude.  Bottom line, 3pm came and went.  He never called.  Was I stood up?

To be continued

If there is one thing that every single woman needs that's a set of business cards on deck.  I actually have been saying this for a while, and I happen to carry around my cards at all times.  I was laughing so hard when I was watching Wendy Williams, and Fran Drescher said that it was one of her rules.  This should be a law! Times are hard and it's not always easy to find a date.  I use to be one of those girls that thought it was tacky to be a little assertive towards a man, but I have been hearing from several guys that they appreciate a woman that speaks her mind. 

What do you really have to lose? I'm also just now learning that men don't always approach women.  I don't know why, but I use to believe they did.  My theory was, "If a man is interested, he'll ask you out."  Ladies, it doesn't always happen that way, and looks don't matter.  Well, I guess unless you're Halle Berry, I suppose.  So you're probably wondering, what do you say when you give a guy you interested in your business card? I have listed my 5 top favorite lines below.

1. If you have some free time, lets go for a drink
2. Give me a call
3. Hey, I'm ... how are you?
4. You seem interesting, here's my business card
5. I noticed you, and wanted to know if you'd like to chat sometime?

Haha, so I know it's a bit forward, but like I've said several times being 20 or 30 something isn't always simple.  Go for what you want.

Rich and Trisha dated off and on for 10 years, but after a bad break up they decided to go their separate ways.  A year later, they ran into each other at a grocery store.  Rich declared his love for Trisha and admitted that he wanted her back, but it was too late.  When Trisha told Rich that she wanted to be platonic friends he had no choice but to agree.  They remained friends, talked on the phone for hours, and occasionally committed the biggest mistake Ex's make hanky panky reminiscing at the past. 

Trisha thought to herself, "maybe, I'm giving him a hard time...a second chance isn't so bad."  However, what Trisha didn't realize was that like so many others before him, he was playing her.  One raining night while they were engaging in their "conversation" Rich told her that he had a girlfriend.  "You know, I've been talking to someone, right?" "No, I didn't know that, how would I have known?" she asked in a shaky voice.  He continued, "Well, I thought we were broken up, but turns out we've been together all along."  Trisha was devastated.  She cried her eyes out for nearly four hours.  She wasn't upset that he had moved on, but hurt, because she thought there was a possibility to rekindle.  Trisha felt the ultimate betrayal, again! She called him on the phone.  "Hello," he answered.  "Hey... I don't think it's a good idea if we talk, I want you out of my life," she said.  "What, are you serious?," he asked.  But, Trisha was serious.  In fact, it was the first time that she told him NO and to kiss her ass.  She felt empowered!

A few months passed and Trisha was convinced that Rich was out of her system; however, she forgot that his best friend was on her social network site.  Trisha was shocked when her ex Rich and his "girlfriend" popped up in a picture.  "What the Hell!" she said.  "Why am I still being reminded?" As Trisha cried her eyes out, she did something that should have been done a longtime ago.  She deleted his best friend, and everything that reminded her of him--there could be no more reminders.  As she deleted the memories away, she said aloud "F#c% Rich and all the other Rich's."  At that point Trisha knew she was ready to move on.  

Have you had a similar experience???

I'm confused...
But, what else is knew.  People confuse me with their off behavior.  So, I went to the movies a while back with a platonic guy friend.  I'll admit, I was intoxicated and pretty much out of it.  Well, I started to get tired and I couldn't stop myself and fell asleep.  My friend was upset, but never expressed it to me, I could just sense it. 

Months went by and not a word from him, so I decided to call after the 100th time of my messages being ignored.  Bottom line, he was upset but refused to say why.  I bluntly asked "do you like me?" I figured, what the hell else could it be, right?" He said, "I think that you're a beautiful girl, but I see you as a friend."  Ok, cool, we're on the same page, but why did you ignore me for two months??? Was it that deep? Just curious!

I got no explanation...

What do you think, was I totally in the wrong?

[Side Note] I apologized immediately after the incident but he was still pretty upset with me. 

No one ever said that being 20 something and single was easing...

At least, I keep trying to remind myself of this.  Dating is difficult because you have so many expectations and not all of them are always met.  Has anyone ever read the book, "The Rules?" Well, sometimes I find myself wanting to live up to my high school years of "The Rules."  I actually think that I need to re-read that book. 

I keep hearing from several people that we only have so many years to find a man before it's too late.  Is this true? Whoever made up this rule??? And, most importantly isn't it a little outrageous? I mean, there's a soul mate for everyone, right?

People make such a big deal about sex.  I know so many people that are having sex but are

1. not enjoying it
2. can't receive an orgasm
3. are trying to please a man
4. sleeping with different men weekly

it's so ridic because at that rate a woman will probably have slept with over 10 men, unsatisfied, and still HAVE NOT reached an orgasm.  What's the big deal about sex? Sure, it feels great and in that passion both people feel closer and more connected, but in the words of Bill Cosby "Come on People."  

Don't get me wrong, I am not telling people to not have sex... I'd never do that! Sex is great and feels great!

But, I want us 20 something or 30 something women to really start looking at the person or people that we're sleeping with... are they worth it??? I just feel that this is the negative part of being a single woman.  It's difficult to find men to sleep with that don't or won't cause drama in our lives.  Another issue, if we do find a man to sleep with he's probably married, has a chick or few on the side or he's completely selfish.  Not too many to chose from. 

{Side note} What's up with all the married men getting at single girls? Seriously, if I have one more married man (wearing his ring) approach me, I'm going to title my next book, "I may be fly, but I don't allow married men to feel on my behind."

Get a grip!

If you sleep with someone and you're single there's a crap load of baggage (if you're not in a serious relationship).  Don't believe me??? If you're single think of the person you last slept with that wasn't your BF.  Did he make you feel exceptional? (and not just after the act), did he call you on time? You get my drift.

Why aren't women taught at an early age about control over our own bodies??? I know I'm ranting but an event today made me think about this (details in future blog).

Sincerely,

Maybe Celibacy isn't so bad!

Discuss!!!!

There's no one that can change my mind on this one.  I was watching the Wendy Williams show today and I am sooooo convinced that Angela Simmons is engaged.  The two sisters were on Williams' show and as they showed their new Macy's fashion Wendy asked the girls about their relationships.  When Wendy asked Vanessa about her boyfriend and how she was seen sporting "a ring" on that special finger, Vanessa then replied, "oh, that's not me sporting the ring." 

Angela shyly hid her ring and then Wendy asked her who she was dating and if she was in love.  Angela stated that she and her boyfriend Oscar Salinas from music producing group Play and Skillz have been together for a year and were in love.  I was a bit disappointed that Wendy didn't pick up on the dialogue between Vanessa and Angela, and didn't realize that her ring was indeed an engagement ring.  Angela was seen sporting a ring early last year when she was dating skater TK; however, that was obviously a promise ring.  I know my eyes aren't lying to me... funny thing is, I'm usually right with my celebrity predictions.  Wendy Williams needs to hire me to be her gossip researcher.  Wendy, are you hiring??? LOL. 

Thoughts????

[image via google images]

I have been reading stories all day saying that Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush broke up... Is this true??? I hope that it isn't.  I like them as a couple! Also, they both just returned from philanthropy work in Africa--seems like that would bring a couple closer.  If they did break up, what could have broken them up??? I'm always skeptic when it comes to certain gossip sites, but when I saw it confirmed on E news (the station she works for) I knew that it had to be true. 



[Source & Image via E News]

When we change our number to rid ourselves from the past, does it ever really escape us?

After two years of having the same ol' number Mollie decided that she wanted a new one.  So, she changed her number and didn't give it to a soul except for family and close friends.  Finally it seemed like her past was behind her; no more ex's to drive her crazy, and other people whom she desperately wanted out of her life. 

Just as she crawled into her queen size bed to take an afternoon nap she noticed her cellphone was flashing a call.  She grabbed the phone to only see the words 'Restricted Call' appear.  Restricted Calls annoyed Mollie and rarely did she answer, but she figured it was a business call.  "Who the fuck is this calling," she said aloud right before she picked up. 

"Hello," Mollie answered.  "Hey, is this Jackolyn," 'Mr. Caller' asked.  "You have the wrong number."  "O, really, I have the wrong number?" he said in a condescending tone.  "Um, yeah--there's no one here with that name," Mollie responded. 

Mollie expected the conversation to end there, but the caller wouldn't stop talking, and she couldn't help but think about a certain 'X'.  Deep down Mollie wondered if 'Mr. Caller' was really 'Mr. G.D'.  Mollie and 'Mr. G.D' had only dated for a few months but occassionally had sex after the break up.  She bragged to her friends about him from time to time, and contimplated calling him but decided it would be a bad idea. 

As she listened to 'Mr. Caller', she wondered why she thought about 'Mr. G.D, and if sex was really the root of all evil--rather than money.

"Have you received a lot of calls asking for Jackolyn?"
"No, I haven't," Mollie assured him.  Two mintues, too long, Mollie and 'Mr. Caller' continued to go back and forth.  Once she realized where the conversation was going, she knew that someone was playing on the phone.

'Mr. Caller' then made a remark that would end the conversation.  "I heard that this is a really good number, if you know what I mean," he said laughing.  Mollie was shocked and hung up. 

In that moment, Mollie realized that no matter how much she tried to escape her past, there would always be someone to remind her. 

Why is it that even after a break up, we still find ourselves wanting to make up?

 

Justin and Tina had been broken up for over three years; occasionally, she would receive a random text or call.  Months had passed since she last heard from her 'X' until Friday afternoon when he called her.  "Hey, this is Justin, how are you doing?" He anxiously asked her.  Tina was flabbergasted.  "I've been cool--just working, hanging out... What's up?" she asked him.  After 10 minutes of conversation and laughter, he invited her over.  Tina accepted and went to see her 'X.'  When she arrived at his house she was happy to see him, but in the back of her mind she wondered if she was making a mistake.  They watched movies, ate popcorn, and reminisced about old times. 

"It's getting late," she turned to Justin and said.  "You can spend the night, I'll sleep on the couch and you can sleep in my bed," Justin insisted.  Finally, Tina agreed to spend the night and was certain that 'nothing would happen.'  "That was the past," she thought to herself. 

Tina was right, nothing did happen...

The next morning Tina and Justin gave each other a hug and she left, but she couldn't help but think about their night together. 

Just because he's an 'X' does that mean he shouldn't exist in your life?

Let me know what you think in the comments.