I was reading an article on Bossip.com about the difference between men and women when it comes to having casual sex.  Rapper Bow Wow, discussed the difference and talked about how women become jealous and obsessed, but that men are capable of  understanding the difference between casual sex and sex in a relationship. 

First off, who gives Bow Bow the right to suddenly be an expert, isn't he like 12? Haha.  I kid, I kid.  No, but I'm really starting to get tired of the overwhelming amount of men who feel that because they are in the spotlight they're experts on men and women as it relates to dating.  Sure, I recognize that there is a difference in the way men and women interact, and I also recognize that women are emotional by nature, but I know several women who are capable of having sex and accepting it as just SEX.  I'm tired of men portraying us as whiny, overly emotional, hormonal broads! I'll admit, all these things can apply to me, but that's only when I'm watching Lifetime, so suck it!

Maybe, I'm being harsh.  In their defense men don't always think before they speak.  Darn, I guess that's pretty harsh too.  Point being is that, men aren't the only ones who want just a sexual relationship.  I have friends who tell guys straight up, "I just want sex, and not a relationship."  Sure, the majority of women probably would like a committed relationship, but aren't there men who equally want the same?

Where the problem lies 

Here's the problem.  Men and women communicate differently.  Oftentimes, a man will know that a woman doesn't want JUST a sexual relationship, but he'll enter into the situation anyway.  We women are just as guilty, because we know what the guy wants, and instead of walking away, we walk into the situation hoping "he changes" his mind.  Some men think with their anatomy and some women think with their hearts. 

These roles can sometimes be reversed.  Equally, a man can think with his heart, and a woman can think with her anatomy.     

NEWSFLASH

Men don't change their minds regarding sex.  There are instances where more feelings are developed, but rarely does a man change his mind. 

SIDENOTE

Why are there so many books written by men on how women should act? And, so many movies--once again, written by men on women? In my opinion, standards of a woman have been set so high, but not by ourselves.  These standards have been set based on men.  Don't get me wrong, I love, honor, and respect THE MAN.  But, I'm sick of being objectified all because of a particular standard that has been placed.  We should all be able to screw who we want, date who we want, and act the way we want without some celebrity or reject pointing the finger believing that he has all the answers. 

So as I end this long blog, because of rants... Here's my finger
"screw you."

Right now, I'm watching this movie on Lifetime called The Pregnancy Pact.  Although, the movie is fictional, it is inspired by true events.  Wow, this movie is making me think a lot about the unrealistic expectations that parents, churches, and society place on teens.  It's a sad day when teens can't have open communication with their parents and ask for condoms.  Beyond asking for condoms, teens should be able to have open dialogue with their parents, because that's the real issue.  Condoms and birth control definitely help, but without education and open discussions, it ain't going to help!

I also watched Bristol Palin on Oprah.  I listened as she confirmed her statement that, she will not have sex until marriage.  Really?!?! Oprah even gave her an opportunity to retract her statement.  Like Oprah said, who's to say that you'll meet that person, and even get married.  There are No guarantees.  That's definitely one way to look at it.  Don't get me wrong, abstinence is a great thing.  I use to say that I was going to abstain until marriage, but it didn't happen. 

The odds of an already sexually active teen abstaining until marriage is kinda slim, lets face it! But, that's just my opinion. 

The problem is, some parents worry so much about telling teens to wait 'til marriage until they have sex, and it's simply unrealistic.  When parents place these standards on teens, in my opinion, it isn't practical.  Yes, I grew up in a religious household, and I completely understand why parents and churches tell children to wait until marriage.  Sex can be risky, it comes with serious consequences, and there are also emotional factors of having sex too early (psychologically, it can be damaging), but the truth of the matter is that, children today are different than the children in the 1940s, 50s, or 60s.  The time period that our parents grew up in is not the same.  When our parents were younger, most of them married young.  Also, the ones that weren't married and having sex had a different level of responsibility.  This is not to make light of the sexually charged children in todays society, but there is a difference. 


Hell, I work in education, and the things that I hear children talk about is far more advanced from when I was in school.  This is only my opinion, so don't chew me out for expressing it.  I don't understand why parents get bent out of shape when schools recommend distributing condoms at school.

Condoms aren't the problem

The problem lies with children being misinformed, fearful to talk openly to parents, and the glorification of sex in the media.  With that said, I don't see these underlying issues changing anytime soon.  There is nothing wrong with saying to teens, "I would like for you to wait until marriage, but realistically speaking, it may not happen and in case you don't wait, here are condoms, please be safe, and talk to me if you have any questions." 

I remember attending school and unfortunately, Sex Education didn't offer much insight into sex.  Bottom line, I learned nothing in school about sex.   This is pretty sad considering the fact that I had sex education in elementary, middle school, and high school.  When I was in school, society was still in denial about children having sex so maybe that's why there wasn't a better platform. 

Don't get me wrong, my parents were open with me about sex.  However, I had friends who were far more advanced and were having sex.  I recall being in 7th grade and my classmate having to leave school because it was discovered that she was 5 months pregnant.  At the time, I didn't understand.  It wasn't until high school when I realized that most of the kids were having sex and some were rather promiscuous.  It was the secret in the community that no one wanted others to know.  Whenever I go back home to visit it's no surprise to me that those same girls who I attended high school with are 28 years old and have 12 year old children. 

What's my point?

Sex will not go away, and will not go away.  The fact of the matter is, it can't be swept under a rug.  Instead of constantly telling teens to NOT have sex until marriage, they should be told to ask questions, ask questions, and ask more questions.  In my opinion, children shouldn't be told NO if they need condoms, because it is more important for them to be educated and protected than uneducated and scared. 

He was charming, attractive, intellectual.  Honesty, open communication.   I am a serial labeler at times. 

He was just my type.  I met E two months ago coming out of a business meeting.  At first, I almost didn't notice him because I was busy yapping it up on my cellphone. 

"You didn't notice me in the meeting?"

"No, sorry I didn't, you were inside?" I asked, immediately ending my phone conversation.

"Does the bus stop here?"

"Yes, I'm taking the same bus, we can ride together," he said.

That night, we rode the bus together and talked for nearly an hour.  We talked about our aspirations, goals, and just general things about ourselves. 

He told me that he was leaving in a few months for med school.  He asked me several times throughout our conversation if this was a problem.  I didn't see it as a problem.  I believe that if you like a person in the end things are always worked out.  Maybe that should have been a sign, but at the time, it wasn't.  

Over the next month, we hung out and had a great time together.  Everything appeared to be going well.  Our first date he prayed over our food.  A man that believes in God, is extremely attractive. 

In the beginning of dating, we discussed how we mutually had feelings for each other. 

"I really like you," he told me several times.

I felt the same for him.  Although, it was such a short amount of time, it seemed like things couldn't have been better.

Our final date, he came over my house.  It wasn't his first time over.  We laughed, talked, kissed-- the chemistry didn't seem any different from the first time we met.  As the passion intensified between us, I told him to slow down.  It didn't seem like the right time to have sex.  He said that my decision was respected and that there was no pressure.  The night ended with a kiss.

The next day, he didn't call or text.  Generally, I'll wait and wait to receive a call, but it's hard for me to break down and call. 

Sometimes, rules are made to be broken.  I broke my rule.  I called him.  He didn't answer.  I left a message.  He didn't return my call. 

The next day, I finally received a text. 

"Tired, exhausted, heading home," he said. 

Had he forgotten about the plans that we made? He was supposed to come over. 

"Cool, I understand.  Are you stopping by later?"

"No thank you," he said. 

I felt humiliated.  First off, who responds by saying, "No thank you?"

I read the book, I saw the movie, so I was beginning to realize 'He just wasn't that into me.'  But, I couldn't understand why? If everything was going so well, how could things change so easily?

Three days later, we encountered each other at a business meeting.  He said hello, but it was an awkward 'hello.'  Not the... I'm so happy to see you, Hello, but the kind of hello like he was forcing himself.  I felt sick to my stomach. 

That night, I returned home, and immediately jumped on the internet.  Natural habit.  I had a message.  It was from E.

"I do enjoy spending time with you; however, I don't want a relationship.  My decision is based on several factors.  I hope we can continue to be friends."

I felt insulted.  And again, Humiliated.  Why couldn't he tell me that via telephone, in person, or better yet, in the beginning. 

Two weeks later.
He contacted me.  He Called.  Doesn't want things to be weird between us.  Um, OK.  He was tired, blah, blah... He apologizes. 

I saw E after his call, but there hasn't been any contact since. 

Lesson learned: Never place labels on a man who clearly has no intentions on being personalized. 

As most know, I am a published author of a book of poetry called, "Diary of a Skinny Girl."  I honestly feel blessed to even be able to say that.  Since I was a little girl it has always been my dream to publish a book.  "Writing is like water to me, I need it for nourishment."  That's my quote!

It is the best gift that has been given to me.  This book that I wrote is very personal, because each poem is meaningful.  Some are about my life and some are about people that I know.  The book is a coming of age book that I hope will one day inspire young women.  When I wrote it that's who I had in mind.  Love, heartache, being single, dating, sex, prejudice... these are the topics that so many of us can relate to.  With that said, I have decided to share one of the poems from my book.

It's called:

The Colossal

Driving to an insane path
Tunnel of lust
subliminal messages
Marked, sealed, and mailed
Delusional convictions
Guiltily incapacitated
BEWARE!
Soul of hidden desires
Seven deadly sins
Extensive infiltration
Extended brownish-yellow
Canary passerine bird
Calling of the wild
Unable to be tamed
Over indulgence
is not a crime,
But gluttony is a
Sin.

Sidenote:
To read more, purchase my book at Amazon.com or Barnes and Noble.com

I'm sure you recall me telling you about the guy who wanted me to be the "other woman..."  Well, he emailed me again, but this time his email went a little different.

"Hey, I haven't heard from you, so I'll take that as a hint and figure that, you're not interested."

"Um, ding-ding-ding," I said aloud as I read the email.

The real question is, Why is this dude still contacting me?

"Sorry if you felt like I disrespected you, but if we don't take chances in life, what are we living for?"

Did he really run that line on me? "If we don't take chances..." First off, cheating on your wife is not a chance you should be wanting to take.  It's never a good situation. 

"If you ever change your mind, please don't hesitate to contact me," he said.

I didn't even finish the whole email before calling up my friend 'L' and telling her about the crazy email. 

"Yea, he's crazy," she said. 

I knew that he was crazy, but I just needed someone to confirm it for me. 

I still refuse to dignify his off shit with a response.  I mean seriously, who does that?
Apparently, several married men.  Seemingly, 2009 was the year of cheats coming out of the wood works. 

Who solicits sex via email? He must be the dumbest man ever.  Doesn't he realize women are clever? Men don't give us enough credit.  His wife has probably been all through his email checking up on his ass. LOL.  Seriously!

I wanted to respond back to him and tell him to get a life, but I am a firm believer that sometimes silence is the best weapon. 

The worse thing about this all is that, he lives across the street.  I guess he thought that he was going to get some quick start booty from me or something. 

I wonder, how many people are in unhappy marriages?

What is it about some married men! Don't get me wrong, this post is not to bash married men, because there are several men out there who are committed, in love, and respect their relationships.  However, I'm annoyed with married men who believe it's ok to push up on single women or send inappropriate emails.

Last month

I received an email from an old acquaintance.  Nothing alarming about that, right?!?! Well, that's what I thought until I continued reading the email. 

"Hello," he said. 

"What the hell, I'm just going to say it," he continued.

"I really am attracted to you and I want us to pleasure each other."

"I don't want to leave my wife, or anything like that."

"The truth of the matter is, I have been attracted to you all along."

I was floored! First off, Why did he decide to send me this email? He's a married man.  I wrecked my brain that day trying to think back, and trying to remember if I in some way delivered a "F-me vibe" but NOPE, I hadn't. 

As I continued to read the long email, he talked about how his wife was going to be out of town, and that he really wanted to see me. 

"If you want a little fun, call me.  But, if I don't hear back from you, I understand, please don't hate me, or avoid me when you see me," he said.

I didn't respond back to his email.  What was I suppose to say in response? I was so offended.  He and I were always cool, and never in a million years did I expect to receive a message like that from him.  He should have known that I wouldn't respond. 

The only thought that entered my mind was in regards to his wife.  How could this man disrespect his wife like that?

Emailing

Another thing, what the hell is up with people using email, texting, etc. as their main form of communication? It's like person to person or phone contact no longer exist.  I think that people are weird when they send random messages electronically, but maybe that's just me. 

Obviously, there are several women who probably would have taken him up on his offer; however, I never will be the 'other woman.'