Right now, I'm watching this movie on Lifetime called The Pregnancy Pact. Although, the movie is fictional, it is inspired by true events. Wow, this movie is making me think a lot about the unrealistic expectations that parents, churches, and society place on teens. It's a sad day when teens can't have open communication with their parents and ask for condoms. Beyond asking for condoms, teens should be able to have open dialogue with their parents, because that's the real issue. Condoms and birth control definitely help, but without education and open discussions, it ain't going to help!
I also watched Bristol Palin on Oprah. I listened as she confirmed her statement that, she will not have sex until marriage. Really?!?! Oprah even gave her an opportunity to retract her statement. Like Oprah said, who's to say that you'll meet that person, and even get married. There are No guarantees. That's definitely one way to look at it. Don't get me wrong, abstinence is a great thing. I use to say that I was going to abstain until marriage, but it didn't happen.
The odds of an already sexually active teen abstaining until marriage is kinda slim, lets face it! But, that's just my opinion.
The problem is, some parents worry so much about telling teens to wait 'til marriage until they have sex, and it's simply unrealistic. When parents place these standards on teens, in my opinion, it isn't practical. Yes, I grew up in a religious household, and I completely understand why parents and churches tell children to wait until marriage. Sex can be risky, it comes with serious consequences, and there are also emotional factors of having sex too early (psychologically, it can be damaging), but the truth of the matter is that, children today are different than the children in the 1940s, 50s, or 60s. The time period that our parents grew up in is not the same. When our parents were younger, most of them married young. Also, the ones that weren't married and having sex had a different level of responsibility. This is not to make light of the sexually charged children in todays society, but there is a difference.
Hell, I work in education, and the things that I hear children talk about is far more advanced from when I was in school. This is only my opinion, so don't chew me out for expressing it. I don't understand why parents get bent out of shape when schools recommend distributing condoms at school.
Condoms aren't the problem
The problem lies with children being misinformed, fearful to talk openly to parents, and the glorification of sex in the media. With that said, I don't see these underlying issues changing anytime soon. There is nothing wrong with saying to teens, "I would like for you to wait until marriage, but realistically speaking, it may not happen and in case you don't wait, here are condoms, please be safe, and talk to me if you have any questions."
I remember attending school and unfortunately, Sex Education didn't offer much insight into sex. Bottom line, I learned nothing in school about sex. This is pretty sad considering the fact that I had sex education in elementary, middle school, and high school. When I was in school, society was still in denial about children having sex so maybe that's why there wasn't a better platform.
Don't get me wrong, my parents were open with me about sex. However, I had friends who were far more advanced and were having sex. I recall being in 7th grade and my classmate having to leave school because it was discovered that she was 5 months pregnant. At the time, I didn't understand. It wasn't until high school when I realized that most of the kids were having sex and some were rather promiscuous. It was the secret in the community that no one wanted others to know. Whenever I go back home to visit it's no surprise to me that those same girls who I attended high school with are 28 years old and have 12 year old children.
What's my point?
Sex will not go away, and will not go away. The fact of the matter is, it can't be swept under a rug. Instead of constantly telling teens to NOT have sex until marriage, they should be told to ask questions, ask questions, and ask more questions. In my opinion, children shouldn't be told NO if they need condoms, because it is more important for them to be educated and protected than uneducated and scared.
I use to hate the mention of Valentines Day. Walking into a store was like torture. Chocolate candy, heart shaped boxes, red roses, etc. But this year is different for me. I am going to embrace being single. I am going to embrace loving myself more. I will be my own valentine.
I know it sounds crazy, but I'm over wondering if someone will ask me out for V Day. Instead, I want to go out with my friends and have fun. Enjoy being 20 something. I want to flirt with guys, laugh, eat, drink, and be merry. All in good fun. Whatever happened to that? Whatever happened to people actually enjoying themselves and not caring so much about the title? I'm sick of titles!
I want to go out, have fun, wear a sexy red dress or maybe just a hot number with sexy red shoes. Sounds like a plan to me! Besides that, I'll be running in the Aloha Race the next morning, so my bedtime will be 9 pm Sunday night. I'll probably go out Saturday and celebrate. Monday I'll run in the race, and Tuesday I'll probably go and get a full body massage, I have a feeling that I'll need it after this race. This Valentines Day through out the title, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and have a great time!
I was talking to my friend "L Sexy" she goes by that because she's a boss. We were talking about our previous relationships and how even the guys we "dated" were no different from the "boyfriends."
"I don't think I'll ever call another dude my boyfriend," L Sexy declared.
I cracked up for a minuto at just the thought of her statement. But, it's so true! If you really think about the time that is wasted on meaningless relationships, you realize that labeling these guys is so not worth it. I told her that I'm going to copy her and follow her lead. I've probably had 4 undeserving guys in my life that were given the great opportunity of being called my boyfriend. At the end of the day I realize that, most of us are far too fabulous to waste our time.
My friend said from this point forward she's either single or married, and I couldn't agree more. Why should we waste our time? Being single is far better than getting caught up in emotions, feelings, or stressing over 'getting to know' someone. No one likes the introduction. It would be so much better if we could just speed past all of that.
I'm taking my friends advice and from this point forward every dude I date is 'my friend.' If it gets serious... I'm still single until there's a ring on my finger.
I am learning that people really shouldn't be personalized by labels. You recall me telling you about 'E'. He was the guy who I placed a million labels on in the beginning. I realize how unfair it is and one day I will stop, but until then there is one label that he deserves, and then I'll stop. His new label: Ignorant.
Finally, he calls me and gives me a reason other than "tired," "stressed" va-va bull... for his sudden "departure" AND "let's be friends," bullshit. His excuse, is based on religious factors. While I love God, and don't deny that, I am not extreme and find most extremist hypocritical. I pray, I love, I respect all religions, and people as they are.
With that said:
I don't live my life based on my religious upbringing. I am an individual and march to my own beat. But that's my opinion. Back to E. He says to me that we can't date, because he's religious blah-blah-blah. Shouldn't these things be stated in the beginning? So, let me get this straight, you can come over my house, kiss me, take me out on dates, eat my cooking, but you can't be in a relationship with me? OH, Ok, again why, because we don't believe in the exact same principles?
Side Note:
I don't fault him for wanting to be with someone who shares his beliefs, but I do hold him responsible for being misleading and not stating up front his religious convictions.
Our conversation went something like this...
E- Well didn't you use to live with your ex boyfriend.
Me- Yeah, but God isn't going to punish me for cohabiting.
Ugh, since when does my religion have anything to do with my lifestyle? I know many people who don't follow the guidelines of their religion, but it doesn't make them a bad person. It simply makes them a human being. The more I talked to him, I almost felt sorry for him. I felt sorry that he couldn't just live his life, date who he wanted to date, and stop putting so many "labels" on the people. I know, this coming from a girl who placed a million labels on him in the beginning. Guilty as charged!
Me- Why didn't you address this concern in the beginning?
E- Well we were just friends.
So sick and tired of people loosely using the term 'friends' because clearly there was an attraction and something more than friendship.
Me- When you said that you really, really, liked me while you were in my house, what was that about?
Side Note:
Did you think about religion then? I'm sure ya didn't. There is more to this story and more that I could say, but I won't. While I am pissed at the conversation between E and me, I refuse to degrade, be nasty, or classless.
E-I liked you as a friend, and when I saw that it was progressing into something else that's when I knew I had to cut it off.
I will never understand why I received a message through a social website and not a person to person conversation. But, maybe some questions are better left unanswered.
Again, he states that he would like to remain friends. Am I over reacting?
I have to take a minute to spotlight my big cousin T-Mazz. He's a rapper in The Bay Area (San Francisco) for those who don't know. So proud of all my hardworking family members. He's doing his thang.
His song "Phone Sex" can be requested through your local radio station, so call up now and request it. I uploaded the song below.
More info: Contact him through Myspace at http://www.myspace.com/TMAZZBIGRIG
He was charming, attractive, intellectual. Honesty, open communication. I am a serial labeler at times.
He was just my type. I met E two months ago coming out of a business meeting. At first, I almost didn't notice him because I was busy yapping it up on my cellphone.
"You didn't notice me in the meeting?"
"No, sorry I didn't, you were inside?" I asked, immediately ending my phone conversation.
"Does the bus stop here?"
"Yes, I'm taking the same bus, we can ride together," he said.
That night, we rode the bus together and talked for nearly an hour. We talked about our aspirations, goals, and just general things about ourselves.
He told me that he was leaving in a few months for med school. He asked me several times throughout our conversation if this was a problem. I didn't see it as a problem. I believe that if you like a person in the end things are always worked out. Maybe that should have been a sign, but at the time, it wasn't.
Over the next month, we hung out and had a great time together. Everything appeared to be going well. Our first date he prayed over our food. A man that believes in God, is extremely attractive.
In the beginning of dating, we discussed how we mutually had feelings for each other.
"I really like you," he told me several times.
I felt the same for him. Although, it was such a short amount of time, it seemed like things couldn't have been better.
Our final date, he came over my house. It wasn't his first time over. We laughed, talked, kissed-- the chemistry didn't seem any different from the first time we met. As the passion intensified between us, I told him to slow down. It didn't seem like the right time to have sex. He said that my decision was respected and that there was no pressure. The night ended with a kiss.
The next day, he didn't call or text. Generally, I'll wait and wait to receive a call, but it's hard for me to break down and call.
Sometimes, rules are made to be broken. I broke my rule. I called him. He didn't answer. I left a message. He didn't return my call.
The next day, I finally received a text.
"Tired, exhausted, heading home," he said.
Had he forgotten about the plans that we made? He was supposed to come over.
"Cool, I understand. Are you stopping by later?"
"No thank you," he said.
I felt humiliated. First off, who responds by saying, "No thank you?"
I read the book, I saw the movie, so I was beginning to realize 'He just wasn't that into me.' But, I couldn't understand why? If everything was going so well, how could things change so easily?
Three days later, we encountered each other at a business meeting. He said hello, but it was an awkward 'hello.' Not the... I'm so happy to see you, Hello, but the kind of hello like he was forcing himself. I felt sick to my stomach.
That night, I returned home, and immediately jumped on the internet. Natural habit. I had a message. It was from E.
"I do enjoy spending time with you; however, I don't want a relationship. My decision is based on several factors. I hope we can continue to be friends."
I felt insulted. And again, Humiliated. Why couldn't he tell me that via telephone, in person, or better yet, in the beginning.
Two weeks later.
He contacted me. He Called. Doesn't want things to be weird between us. Um, OK. He was tired, blah, blah... He apologizes.
I saw E after his call, but there hasn't been any contact since.
Lesson learned: Never place labels on a man who clearly has no intentions on being personalized.
Hawaii is such an amazingly beautiful place. You walk outside and you're immediately smitten and smell the intoxicating, but lovely scent of the flowers and plants. The water is clear blue and inviting. The people are friendly. The men... Well, Houston we have a problem!
Where are the handsom, single, non-commitment phobic men in Hawaii? I'm not talking about the men who are only looking for a booty call, and if that's you, please stop reading.
It seems rather difficult to meet like minded men on this rock. You know, the men that actually would like to settle down, and not just hook up. Don't get me wrong I'm open for dating, but a relationship would be nice. At the suggestion of a friend, I checked out the local dating sites, but the choices for Hawaii are horrible. The men who had the audacity to create a profile should be ashamed of themselves. Most of them screamed loser.
Why can't someone create a singles retreat on this rock or something?
I'm sure you remember me telling you about my sister going purple for a 'Good day.' HAHA! Well, if you read the post you know that she didn't really go purple, but that she dyed a Die Hard Sacramento Kings Fan beard purple.
As I mentioned before, she is an excellent hair stylist, makeup artist... she's a renaissance beautician, there is nothing she can't do when it comes to hair, skin, beauty, etc. She's even been named the "weaveologist." Yeah, you read that right! If you want your weave to look good like Sanaa Lathan and Nia Long's, my sis can definitely hook you up. Her resume is extensive.
Seriously, if it weren't for her I probably would have been 20 before I got my eyebrows waxed, and I would have just looked a total mess.
Having a big sister to school you is the best, and I wouldn't trade her for anyone else. Look below for pictures of her working her magic on set of Good Day Sacramento.
If you want to schedule an appointment with my sister, you can contact her at itsmihair@gmail.com. Did I mention that she has over 12 years experience? She knows her craft and owns it!
As most know, I am a published author of a book of poetry called, "Diary of a Skinny Girl." I honestly feel blessed to even be able to say that. Since I was a little girl it has always been my dream to publish a book. "Writing is like water to me, I need it for nourishment." That's my quote!
It is the best gift that has been given to me. This book that I wrote is very personal, because each poem is meaningful. Some are about my life and some are about people that I know. The book is a coming of age book that I hope will one day inspire young women. When I wrote it that's who I had in mind. Love, heartache, being single, dating, sex, prejudice... these are the topics that so many of us can relate to. With that said, I have decided to share one of the poems from my book.
It's called:
The Colossal
Driving to an insane path
Tunnel of lust
subliminal messages
Marked, sealed, and mailed
Delusional convictions
Guiltily incapacitated
BEWARE!
Soul of hidden desires
Seven deadly sins
Extensive infiltration
Extended brownish-yellow
Canary passerine bird
Calling of the wild
Unable to be tamed
Over indulgence
is not a crime,
But gluttony is a
Sin.
I have several things that I'm working on with my blog, and it has been a real work in progress. On top of everything else, I've been under the weather for the past week and I haven't been up to doing as much research as I should be doing.
Have no fear, this blog will soon be a place that you'll love to visit. I'm so excited for the new links that I'm working on. And, I'll tell you more soon. I hope that you have been enjoying reading my recent post.
One of my new years resolutions was to blog everyday and be more candid. I believe that the best blogs are those which are honest, funny, and real. Please don't forget that if you have a story, need advice, or know of a good place to date, send me an email at lodie@lodiesblog.com. I love to read your stories, and answer questions. Also, I'm always up for suggestions. If there's something you think will help improve my blog email at lodie@lodiesblog.com. Either way, love to hear from ya.
And, don't forget to follow me on twitter if you're not already at www.twitter.com/lodiesblog
Well, here's a Confession: I'm still broke as hell, but I want to change.
"Ten percent of all earning is yours to keep," my father use to tell me everyday when I was a kid.
Unfortunately, the statement went in one ear and out the other. I was 9. How could anyone expect a 9 year old to conceptualize that?
I get it now. The message was about the principal of being able to save. To have financial relief.
"Lord, what I'd do for financial freedom."
As a kid, I had this yellow bear bank that my brother won for me at the California State Fair. I cherished that bank. I felt like such an adult with responsibility to be able to save money.
I had so much money as a kid! But, then again, I didn't have rent, bills, tuition, OH, did I mention, BILLS!
I know that I'm not the only single girl experiencing this grief. I look at the clothes in my closet and I think, "Whelp, I probably shouldn't have bought that sexy red dress or those satin shoes."
"It's cheap. Only $100 for both," I'm walking around the mall talking to myself. I see the stares and whispers from people.
"Is she debating with herself about purchasing a cheap ass dress and shoes?" In my mind this is what people say.
At this moment, I am being "stalked" by annoying 800, 888, and strange numbers from different area codes. I use the word "stalked" very loosely. I refuse to answer! I say they're stalking me, but truthfully the only crime that they've committed is calling me 10 times a day, if that's even a crime. If it were a guy calling me 10 times at ridiculous hours of the day, I'm pretty sure it would be classified as stalking. Better yet, I would immediately place him in the "crazy guy" category. Come on, every girl has a "crazy guy" category.
I have already committed a sin.
Suze Orman always says that you should answer the phone when the bill people call, but hell I'll think about it.
"Hello, Happy New Year, I'm far too fabulous, and broke for this, F off, If I was rollin in dough you wouldn't need to call me, I'd pay you you're freakin money" that's the speech that I have planned for the pesky operators but of course I never say that.
I keep thinking of ways that I can cut back; however, I'm already limiting myself to the max. I suppose if I consulted with Suze Orman she would probably yell at me for having cable and internet, but am I suppose to live in darkness.
What can I say, there's nothing more priceless than waking up on a Saturday morning and being able to watch Lifetime. The crazy sagas of men cheating, getting caught, and something that's 'based on a true story,' those are my favorites. HA!
Here I go, I'm making excuses, but this is reality. I don't have many vices, is it wrong to have just one or two or three that doesn't include indulging in alcohol, clubs, or tabacco? Hell no, I say.
Oh, and if you're wondering why I don't get rid of the internet that's an easy explanation, I'm a writer and all writers need the internet. Nope, I refuse to sit at some bootleg coffee shop or internet cafe located in the corner of an alley and blog. Besides, their schedule probably doesn't fit in with my busy schedule.
I'm sitting here at 12 pm watching another episode of Suze Orman as she screams, "denied!" I can only imagine the long list of things I would be "DENIED!
"But Suze can I have cable tv?"
DENIED
"I have three trips planned this year, and I really want to go."
DENIED
"I want to get my damn eyebrows waxed, so that I don't look like Groucho Marx's sister from another mister."
"Let me spell it out for you my dear, D-E-N-I-E-D, DENIED, do I need to repeat myself? "No trips this year, no sushi, NO, NO, NO," she would say screaming in her high pitched voice.
"Basically, what I'm hearing is that you want me to be a damn hermit and hide under a rock, GREEEATTTT...." that would be my reply.
If I were married maybe this would be easier...
I can't believe I even just made that statement. I definitely know that it doesn't get easier. I'd probably be even more annoyed with tons of debt.
I complain about my debt, because I can. Also, I know what I need to do to clear it. 20's are meant to make mistakes and fix it, so that in your 30's there will be No more excuses!
1. Good thing about being single and in debt: I don't have to worry about anyone else but myself.
Here's to 2010,
Getting rid of debt and continuing to be young, fabulous & one day rich.
I received a text message from a good friend the other day who was stressed over her big move coming up in March.
Her message:
"I'm so stressed out about moving in with my friend in March."
"Why?" I asked her.
"Well, she has kids."
"I wouldn't do it," I told her.
Typically, I don't like to respond to people with "I wouldn't" or "If I were you," because I hate those responses. I find it annoying and a complete disregard for the person's emotions (that's the future psychologist talking) however, I seriously wouldn't do it!
There is no way a fabulous 20-something woman should give up her freedom. In my eyes it's like signing over your legal rights. Don't get me wrong, I love children, but living with them is not an option. Lifestyle wise and for sanity purposes.
"How old are they?"
"Their 6 and 7," she responded.
The fact that the kids are 6 and 7 makes me nervous. In my head, I picture a scene from Yours Mine and Ours or whatever that movie was called with Dennis Quaid. Food flying, kids screaming, sleep being disturbed, yeah, it's not the business.
"The problem living with kids is that you won't have any privacy, and probably won't get a lot of rest. Think about it before you do it. Don't move from one situation to another situation that's far worse," I told her.
If she could see my face, she would know that I was cringing the entire time that I was typing that message. NO DON'T DO IT!!!!! I wanted to beam warning signs to her with a laser gun. Do you think it would have helped?
"You can't find a roommate who doesn't have kids? Why are you stressed out about the situation?" I continued to ask more questions.
"I don't know how to tell her," she said.
"Damn chica. That's a difficult one because either way she's going to be upset that you agreed. But a single girl living with a woman with kids is never a good situation."
I forgot to mention that, the woman she's thinking about moving in with is in her early 30's. I'm sure she's probably cool, and tons of fun. She probably use to get it back in her day. Haha, I say that like she's a lot older than my age group. She's not, but we all know two children and single is no joke. She probably has to sacrifice much of her freedom.
My advice to my friend was not to do it. That's the only advice that I could give.
What should my friend do? And, how does she break it to the potential roommate that she's no longer interested without hurting her feelings?
